Wean Yourself off Your Emotional Addictions
Are you receptive to deception? Do you give in to the button pushers, trigger pullers, bad mouthers and backstabbers? Then I have the answer for you. Wean off your emotional addictions to them and take your life back.
Normal appearance - mean spirited heart
Recently while teaching an assertiveness class for women an attractive, professionally dressed woman in the front row said with a big smile "I love pushing buttons." An audible gasp arose from the attendees and I had to hold them back from confronting her. "No", I said, "let's hear why she loves doing that." The button pusher replied "I just love seeing that look on their faces."
Imagine that. Some people actually obtain pleasure from your unsettled emotions and psychologically knocking you off balance.
What is going on and how can you change your reactions to this behavior?
What's going on?
This is the behavior of a workplace bully. Yes, the same ones from high school and college. They grew up, got their degree, and became your colleague in the next cubicle or worse yet, your manager. Research on workplace bullying has unearthed a nasty little secret: "Women bullies target women an overwhelming 84% of the time; men bullies target women in 69%
of the time and women are the majority (77%) of targets."
Joel H Neuman, a researcher at the State University of New York, says "most aggressive behavior at work is influenced by a number of factors associated with the bullies, their victims and the situations in which they work. This includes issues related to frustration, personality traits, perceptions of unfair treatment, and an assortment of factors and strains associated with today's leaner and 'meaner' work setting."
Workplace bullying
Bullying involves verbal or psychological forms of aggressive (hostile) behavior that persists for six months or longer. Empirical data indicates that is one in six people in the workplace are bullied every day and in today's unsettled economy it is increasingly tolerated by people who are unable to leave the company because of the lack of jobs available.
The Workplace Bullying Institute says that "37% of workers have been bullied. Many employers ignore the problem which hits the bottom line in turnover, health care and productivity costs." Some organizations institutionalize bullying by rewarding the bully with bonuses and promotions. This in turn deters the target from taking action and encourages the bully to escalate their attacks. The psychological impact of bullying is lost productivity, employees with PTSD, and quantifiable increased health care costs for the employer.
What can you do about it?
There are several options available to you beginning with your reaction and response to being bullied in the workplace.
First be aware that you control what you feel. When the person pushes your button or pulls your trigger, be aware that they "just want to see that look on you face" so don't give it to them. Change your current view of the situation (CVS) to a better view of the situation (BVS) by visualizing something pleasant. Think of your favorite vacation, imagine how you feel when holding your pet, your grandchild or your own baby. This memory will flood your body with warm feelings instead of the negative feelings required by the bully. Often they walk away frustrated because they didn't get the reaction they wanted and you walk away refreshed and ready to efficiently carry out your next task.
Second, find out if your company has a workplace violence policy, get a copy and read it. Check if they identify 'horizontal hostility' which is peer on peer hostility and execute the policy. If they do not have a workplace violence policy, inform them of the Workplace Bullying Institute and connect them with Dr. Gary Namie leader of the institute. He can then inform them of the inroads being made regarding bullying in the workplace.
This psychological torture of employees must stop and that's why several states including Illinois are currently working on house bills to make it illegal.
To learn techniques for assertively standing up for yourself sign up for my July class "Assertive Interpersonal Strategies for Women."
Send your comments to me at Yvonne@yvonnefbrown.com
Confident Communication: How to have a Dynamic Voice
In today's society the ability to communicate well is a highly valued commodity. This skill separates the winners from the losers at work, in social situations and in ones personal life. Confident communication is multifaceted and concerns both verbal and non-verbal skills. Your voice is heard even before you open your mouth through your total communication image. It's not just what you say, but how you say it that counts. This 3-day session incorporates lecture and interactive participation to improve the four aspects of your Dynamic Voice and provide you with the tools and techniques to succeed on all fronts. If you have ever found yourself at a loss for words in a tough situation, this course will help ensure that never happens again.
Location: The Executive Career Center - Walter E. Heller College of Business Administration
Date: July 7 – 9th (Schaumburg)
August 4th -6th (Chicago)
Click here to register online
Basic Coaching Skills for Managers
A manager's success is measured by how well they get work done with and through others. With today's workforce that consists of five generations it requires the ability to know yourself and the ability to determine what motivates your people. You need the ability to achieve team synergy and success. The single most powerful component of employee performance management is the coaching of employees by the supervisor. Coaching goes beyond personal employee growth. It requires results oriented commitment to the individual and contributes to meeting organizational needs. Be the catalyst that motivates your team to higher productivity and efficiency.
Course Objectives
This 2-day course covers four different types of coaching. You will learn:
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Counseling: Awareness of employee's attitudes and behavioral changes that are affecting work
- Teaching: Transferring skills and knowledge
- Mentoring: Perspective on the employee's present organization fit and possibilities for future contribution
- Challenging: Addressing performance deficiencies or stagnation.
Location: The Executive Career Center - Walter E. Heller College of Business Administration
Date: July 1st – 2nd
Click here to register online
Assertive Interpersonal Strategies for Women - July 10th (Chicago) and August 20th (Oak Brook).
Nobody’s perfect. Sometimes you will underreact or overreact. Assertive people sends correct signals and receive correct responses. Knowing how to handle different situations helps you get things done and get what you want. This seminar will help you express your ideas and get your point across confidently and effectively to achieve the results you want.
“Who should attend: Women managers and supervisors – including newly promoted first-line supervisors – who want to build on the strengths, improve their communication, conflict resolution, delegation and action planning.”
Register 5 people from your company and receive the discount price of $99 per person.
On site training - Call for special pricing
Leave the seminar with tools to increase your ability to stand up for yourself in a professional and personable manner.
Register by fax or online
Register Imediately
Register by email to yvonne@yvonnefbrown.com
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I'm a boomer without a college degree and my manager who is my daughter's age has an MBA and no use for people like me. I've tried to find other work but it's difficult with just a high school diploma. My experience is all learned on the job and I'm to old to go back to school. I don't know what to do. Can you help me?
Answer:
 Your issue is a ubiquitous one for boomers today. In fact a close relative has her side of this same issue. She was promoted from the ranks and has people reporting to her who are her mother's age. As a supervisor she sought advice about direct reports because "I'm not their child, I'm their supervisor." Do you respectfully work with your manager? If the answer is yes, then I commend you. Regarding your return to school, many boomers are going back to school today, so can you. You will find many of your peer group there and likely be able to make new connections and build relationships that could lead you to your next career opportunity. In today's job market a college degree is a requirement. Have confidence in yourself and take the plunge. It doesn't matter where you start what matters is that you decide on a area of focus and start. You'll be glad you did, your employment options will increase, and your confidence and self-esteem will skyrocket.
Send your questions for "Ask Yvonne" to yvonne@yvonnefbrown.com and I will answer in our next newsletter
Acer Aspire One
 I love Costco. It's my favorite store. It was there that this road warrior found a gem of a netbook for a mere $299. It's light, less than 2 pounds with 160 gig hard drive and 1 GB of RAM. It comes with built in camera and the software to create your own videos. It also has Office 2007 and WiFi connection to the internet. One neat feature is there is a SD slot so you can remove one from your camera and plug it into the netbook. In these tough economic times, if you are a parent you could purchase three of these netbooks (one for each child) and still pay less than it costs for one laptop. Learn more at http://www.costco.com their prices are the best in town and if you don't like it, you can return it within 90 days.
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